Fat's life in the Park

By Tam Cowan

Details The Bizarre Bar  Website  M&D's Funfair  Strathclde Park  Lanarkshire        01698 333777 Ah, yes, revenge is most definitely a dish always best served cold. Last summer, I rose to my feet at my mate David's wedding and said: 'Ladies and gentlemen, for the past seven years this man has been my financial adviser. And that explains why I'm standing in front of you now in a Matalan suit...' But never mind, folks, after nearly a decade of fiscal mis-management (last month he advised me to invest in 10,000 free Nelson Mandela T-shirts), I finally got my own back. I took him for lunch at The Bizarre Bar in Strathclyde Park. A dish served cold? More like every dish served deep-fried. But I'll come back to that in a minute. The Bar is part of the ever-expanding fairground in Strathclyde Park a place where a Motherwell man like myself has enjoyed many a white-knuckle ride. Even if you've never popped in for a shot on the dodgems, it's impossible to drive down the M74 without noticing the big wheel or the roller-coaster. What's that, kids? No, I'm afraid it doesn't have a ghost train. Wouldn't make a profit, you see, by the time the punters from Bellshill had been given their refunds. There are plenty of amusement arcades, though, and that's great. After all, playing fruit machines is the closest any Motherwell youngster will get to vitamins. Walking through the doors of The Bizarre Bar (perhaps the name derives from the fact they want money for the food), David took a quick look round and confidently predicted: 'So, hot dog in a basket?' Yes, the menu is pretty much exactly as you'd expect in a place David later described as an even poorer man's TGI Friday's burgers, fish and chips, pizzas, an all-day breakfast you get the idea. Plus, as if to remind patrons this is a Lanarkshire eaterie, I'm proud to say the menu also includes chips with grated cheese. There's also a fairly extensive line-up for the kids. Why not do the little ones a favour, though, and take them next door for a toffee apple or some candy-floss?

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